who knew?

an ordinary afternoon in my backyard would become a memory.

Earlier that afternoon, I was trying to figure out my life…again.

I wanted to make sure I was making the right choices.

I didn’t want to spend years pursuing something that looked meaningful only to discover it was draining me.

Is what I want the same thing as my purpose?

Or are those two different things?

God, is who I am right now enough for what you’ve placed on my heart and soul?

Then another question surfaced.

A calmer one.

Joy—

do you trust me right now?

Honestly, God…

not very much at this moment.

I’ve trusted you before though.

But today I feel uneasy.

Everything feels compressed and tangled in my mind.

I want the answers, God.

Sigh.

I wanted relief.

I wanted to stop worrying.

Then another thought appeared.

Joy…

what if you put this question down for a while?

Not forever.

Just gently for a while.

The idea felt conflicting.

Really?

RIGHT NOW?!

And surprisingly relieving.

I naturally gravitated toward laying down on nature’s carpet.

I was finally experiencing my backyard instead of treating it like scenery.

For a few moments, nothing needed to be solved.

Then something unexpected happened.

The clouds caught my attention.

How white they were.

How oddly shaped they were.

How much space they took up in the sky.

How slowly they moved.

Where were they going?

I watched them drift across the sky.

I wanted to see if there was an animal shaped cloud.

You never know?

The longer I stayed there, the deeper my body settled into the grass.

And my memories were bubbling up.

Playing in the mud and making mud cakes.

Riding my bike without using my hands.

Running barefoot and knowing which spots were the softest to land in.

Coming home dirty…

Quietly hoping Mom wouldn’t get mad.

The afternoon felt nostalgic and familiar.

I had felt this before…

a long time ago.

Before life became serious and had to be figured out.

Before every question felt urgent.

Before I believed the best parts of life lived ahead of me.

The longer I stayed there, the less pressing the answers felt.

The kind of feeling where possibilities quietly appear on their own.

Just space.

And honestly…

a previous version of me would have called this a waste of time.

I should be doing something.

Shouldn’t I be making more progress?

I need something to show for this…arrggh.

Shouldn’t I be using this time more wisely?

Laying in the grass felt childish and irresponsible for an adult.

The kind of thing you schedule into your calendar.

After you’ve accomplished just about every single task.

After you’ve figured everything out.

After you’ve earned it.

A cool breeze moved through the yard.

The grass tickled my arms.

Somewhere nearby parrots were singing.

The afternoon sun felt warm on my face.

Yumi eventually wandered over and collapsed beside me.

Then immediately licked my face with her wet tongue.

For a while we just played together.

I scratched behind her ears.

She rolled onto her side.

Completely content.

Then, like she always does, she suddenly sprang up and sprinted away.

Another mystery had captured her attention.

I stayed where I was.

Certain she’d come back.

A minute passed.

Then another.

Still no Yumi.

“Hmmm…”

“What are you up to?”

So I got up to find her.

And when I reached the front yard…

I stopped.

There was a rainbow.

And there was Yumi.

Frozen.

Deaf to my voice.

Completely absorbed.

Completely captivated.

Unwilling to move.

. . .she had discovered treasure.

And I laughed.

Because none of my discoveries were happening on paper.

They were happening right here.

In real time.

In my ordinary backyard.

The afternoon was so rich.

For the first time in years, it felt like a surprise party unfolding for me.

The clouds.

The memories.

The breeze.

The parrots singing.

The warmth of the sun.

Yumi’s wet tongue on my face.

The rainbow.

The laughter.

The relief.

I hadn’t solved my future.

But I was replenished.

And looking up at that rainbow…

Ohhh God.

Grateful that I put aside those questions down for a while.

Grateful that this ordinary afternoon became a memory.

Grateful that life was unfolding in its own beautiful order.

Grateful that something so ordinary could nourish me so deeply.

The childhood memories that surfaced earlier suddenly made sense.

The body remembers.

Not just pain.

Not just fear.

Not just survival.

It remembers joy too.

It remembers wonder.

It remembers play.

It remembers companionship.

It remembers what it feels like to belong to a moment.

That’s why this afternoon will stay with me.

Because I remembered—

what it feels like to be fully here.

creation duo🤎,

Joy Keiko + Yumi

p.s. here’s a memory time capsule clip of Yumi + I playing on this day: